Everyone remembers their first day of school. The newness of it all. The teacher, your classmates, even your crayons are new. Oh the smell of new crayons. What an adventure. And then it hits you…everything is new. I am new, and therefore I can be anyone I want to be. I can make new friends and form new groups. Ah, the joys of being young everything is fresh, shiny and new.
Unfortunately, as we age, we get, well…old. With age we form habits, gain responsibility, buy in to stereotypes and develop our own ideas of what friendships and group interactions should be like. It becomes increasingly more difficult to make new friends, and to find new groups that we feel comfortable interacting in.
Life on the Playground
If you observe a child in an environment with other children you will find that they are extremely quick to assimilate. Last week, my son started his first day of 3rd grade at a new school. I watched him closely lining up with his classmates. “I like your shoes” said the boy standing behind him. My son looked down at his new shoes, stomping them to make them light up and then replied, “Thanks, they light up.” The boy then replied, “Do you like my new shoes? My Mom say’s they have good arch support.” “Yeah they are really cool,” said my son. The two boys smiled and started chatting about Star Wars. Soon after, two other boys joined the conversation simply by, smiling and tossing in their thoughts and favorite characters from the movie. My son had assimilated into a group at his school and the first bell hadn’t even rung. This observation made me think to myself, why can’t adults form groups of friends and associates that easy? I have stood in multiple lines throughout my life, waiting at the airport, at the grocery checkout line, post office, DMV, the list goes on. What would I say? “Are you excited to get your new drivers license?” “Wow, you are buying eggs too, we have so much in common, we should be friends!” After pondering the ease of my sons interaction in the school line, it hit me, the conversation I had just heard between my son and his new friends reminded me of a dialogue I had recently had between some of my new friends that I made in an online group on Facebook. During the prior week, a friend had suggested I join a group she was involved with because we share similar interests. I made a request to join, and within an hour was a part of a group. I instantly logged on and began reading others posts and responding to their comments. A lady by the name of Christina caught my eye, she was wearing a shirt with the words, I can see Alaska from my house. I immediately commented on her page. “Hi, my name is Amanda, I love your shirt.” Christina quickly posted back, “Thanks, it’s one of my favorites. I can tell you where I bought it. And by the way, I love your haircut.” Later that day, others from the group began posting on the thread that I had started, they too liked her shirt, and my haircut! And just like that, I had assimilated into a new group and it was so easy.
The above examples lead me to begin pondering, why is it so much easier to assimilate in a group environment online than it is in real life? Why is it, human beings, particularly adults have an easier time making friends in an online environment than in everyday real life?
Face to Face Group Interaction vs. Virtual Group Interaction: What SIDE Are You On?
According to Krispin Thurlow (2004) author of Computer Mediated Communication: Social Interaction and the Internet, “…we don’t need F2F (Face-to-Face) spoken communication to feel part of a group. In fact, it can be better if people don’t see each other.” (p. 66) Regardless of how “open-minded” we deem ourselves, it is in our nature, as humans to make judgments about one another within the first few moments of interaction grasping on to physical appearance (hair color, clothing style, tattoos etc.) and other physical markers such as the individuals facial expression or voice. Since these markers are rarely apparent in the virtual world, we often form a quick and strong connection to individuals via Computer Mediated Communication (CMC).
The Social Identity Model of Communication (SIDE) is described as being:
Based on the idea that a person’s identity is comprised of their individual identity and their group or social identity. Sometimes our personal identity is important to us: at other times, however, we prefer to think of ourselves as being like other people and so we prioritize our social identity.” (Thurlow, 2004 p.67)
This particular statement helps explain why it is far easier for young children to make friends so quickly. Psychologists, Henri Tajfel and John C. Turners, Social Identity Theory, “explains how intergroup relations, more specifically how identifying positively with the in-group and negatively judging the out-group helps individuals gain self-esteem.” (Stets & Burke, 2000 p. 226) Since young children are typically unaware and less bias than adults are regarding what traits an out-group possesses as well as not having yet formed a strong sense of social identity, friendships form more easily. The majority of adults would find it extremely awkward to walk into a party of new people, stand in a group and join in on a discussion without first going through the motions of introduction; get to know you questions etc. As socially strange as this may sound, people do it every day, only online. CMC is often described as a being a ‘richer’ form of communication than face-to-face communication because it provides a more open field environment. “With fewer social and nonverbal cues, we’re more likely to give people the benefit of the doubt. And the more salient social identity is for participants the greater group cohesion will be.” (Thurlow, 2004 p. 67) To basically sum it up, it is more difficult for adults to assimilate into groups frankly because we are quick to form judgments and ideas of others before we truly get to know them. CMC makes it easy to quickly fit into a group because we are able to bypass all of the road blocks that often pop up when making new friendships and joining groups. Not only is this a more simple approach, it is convenient. In today’s hustle bustle society, there is often very little time left for social interaction, friendships and group memberships. The ease of being able to hang out in your pajamas with your virtual book club may sound more enticing to an individual who has put in a full work week than dressing up and meeting at the local library.
CMC Can Enhance F2F Communication
As explored above, CMC has proven itself to be a ‘rich’ form of communication actually enhancing individual’s lives and possibly removing bias and stereotypes. Every day, more and more people log onto their Face book accounts, text, Twitter, blog and Tweet about all of the little details of their lives. In a way, CMC is helping to shrink the world, making it a friendlier place. Clive Thomson, NY Times author writes:
One of the big draws of online social networks is the constant flow of information. Experts call this information -- the status updates, posted notes and thoughts, photos -- ambient information. These little bits of data floating around in your brain ("Chuck had a really great roast beef sandwich yesterday!") can even lead to more meaningful face-to-face interactions. Knowing all these little tidbits about each other eliminates the need for fact-finding small talk, letting friends get right to the good stuff when they're meeting up after work or school (Thompson, 2008).
According to the statistics page located on the Facebook website, the site now boasts over 750 million active users. The average member is connected to 80 different groups, events and organizations. These statistics are important leading me to wonder, with all of this ‘rich’ communication occurring on a daily basis, friendships being formed, and groups created, could social networking change the world as we know it for the better? I have a feeling that human interactions and relationships are moving in a new direction and would love to see more research on the topic of CMC effects on F2F communication. Who knows, all of this CMC might actually push adults to be a little more comfortable in F2F communication. Perhaps we will let our walls fall down, make more small talk and learn to form friendships over buying eggs.
References
Facebook [Statistics Page]. Retrieved September 10, 2011 from http://www.facebook.com/press/info.php?statistics
Stets, J. E., & Burke, P. J. (2000). Identity theory and social identity theory. Social Psychology Quarterly, 63(3), 224-237.
Thomson, Clive. "Brave New World of Digital Intimacy." New York Times. Sept. 5, 2008. (September 10, 2011) http://www.nytimes.com/2008/09/07/magazine/07awareness-t.html?pagewanted=all
Thurlow, C., Lengel, L., Tomic, A. (2004) Computer mediated communication: social interaction and the internet. California: Sage
Picture Reference:
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